Who are 10 influential people in your life?
This is difficult for me. It’s weird how I’m surrounded by people I love, people I care for and people who have walked in and out of my life yet when you ask me to list 10 people that have influenced me, I blank.
It’s not that I’m not grateful to the people who are near me, who shine the way for me… it’s just I think that I’m more of a collaboration of everyone I’ve interacted with than a combined effort of 10 people.
Of course, there are standouts. The few people who have been with me for a long time and the people who I feel will stay with me for a long while. But there are also people who are long gone, names who I’ve forgotten, people who I’ve never met…authors, writers, strangers whose words and actions have impacted and molded me.
For all these people, thank you… for the good, the bad, and everything in between.
I put a band-aid on a wound that won’t heal.
My passions are intertwined and I truly do find joy in sharing my passions.
- Psychology/MBTI/Philosophy – This is where most of my thoughts lie lately. I started getting seriously into psychology in 2014, MBTI late 2015 and maybe I’ve always been into philosophy. At least, I’ve always been thinking and questioning my beliefs and why I believe them.
- Literature/Writing – My earliest passion. I could read at 3 years old and by the time I was in 3rd grade I was reading classic novels. I love books and although I get overwhelmed by the number of books that I want to read, I still try my best to expand my knowledge through literature. Writing is more of a recent passion. I started in 2014 just on my phone. I would email rants to myself whenever I was upset and now I write all the time. I write in journal apps, here on wordpress and in journals in real life. It kinda overwhelms me to think that I will eventually have to compile all my writing.
- Science/Learning – I love science. It really brings me joy when things make sense and there is an explanation for why and how things are. I hope I never lose my lust for learning and that I’ll always keep my brain sharp.
- Helping people – It really brings joy to my heart to think that I’ve helped someone. It’s an odd drug, but I do feel fulfilled when I know that I’ve done something that made someone’s day.
- Yoga/Physical Shit – I saved this for last because it’s a recent passion. I’ve only done yoga since last year and I love it. I feel as though it’s a calming and healing physical activity for me. Recently, I’ve been more passionate at taking care of my health and body.
I once heard, “You seem to only write when you’re sad.”
Well, I usually have significantly more interesting thoughts when I’m ‘sad’ or catching the case of the morbs.
I’ve been the embodiment of sloth. No excuses.
I can blame my health. I can blame my energy. But there is no truly guilty party besides myself.
Getting back on track with writing is harder than I imagined. A few months ago, it was a lot easier for my thoughts to flow and for me to create content for this blog but after of a few months of sloth, it’s been difficult.
This reminds me of a mantra that I keep hearing in yoga. Effort before effortless. You need to put in hard work in order to reap the rewards of ease. Things have to suck a little bit before I can feel like writing isn’t a struggle.
The thing is I have to keep this up. Writing has been a great catharsis for me. It’s my favorite medium of expression and sharing thoughts with possible feedback has been very helpful for my mental state.
Quality is the reward for consistency.
I tip toe.
We laugh anyways.
It’s too easy, I’ll admit.
I slip up. You understand.
(I still tip toe.)
Some things go unsaid.
Yet something needs to be said.
But I let it be.
You smile, out of character.
Yet I know that “character”
is the real you.
You pretend that I can’t see it
but it’s clear
You can’t hide it.
I don’t acknowledge it.
But it’s there.
And will always be.
We accept it.
And that is comfort .
If I push you, you push harder.
If I pull, you push away.
I tip toe again.
Scared to trip a wire
that will cross a line.
I am myself.
or at least I try.
You are in character again.
Who are you playing?
A good friend?
A listening ear?
Something else entirely?
I don’t acknowledge it.
We are ourselves now.
And it goes unspoken.