Heart-opener

Lead with your heart open…. imagine how different we’d all be if we lived with our heart open?” my yoga teacher asked.

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My Passions (8)

My passions are intertwined and I truly do find joy in sharing my passions.

  1. Psychology/MBTI/Philosophy – This is where most of my thoughts lie lately. I started getting seriously into psychology in 2014, MBTI late 2015 and maybe I’ve always been into philosophy. At least, I’ve always been thinking and questioning my beliefs and why I believe them.
  2. Literature/Writing – My earliest passion. I could read at 3 years old and by the time I was in 3rd grade I was reading classic novels. I love books and although I get overwhelmed by the number of books that I want to read, I still try my best to expand my knowledge through literature. Writing is more of a recent passion. I started in 2014 just on my phone. I would email rants to myself whenever I was upset and now I write all the time. I write in journal apps, here on wordpress and in journals in real life. It kinda overwhelms me to think that I will eventually have to compile all my writing.
  3. Science/Learning – I love science. It really brings me joy when things make sense and there is an explanation for why and how things are. I hope I never lose my lust for learning and that I’ll always keep my brain sharp.
  4. Helping people – It really brings joy to my heart to think that I’ve helped someone. It’s an odd drug, but I do feel fulfilled when I know that I’ve done something that made someone’s day.
  5. Yoga/Physical Shit – I saved this for last because it’s a recent passion. I’ve only done yoga since last year and I love it. I feel as though it’s a calming and healing physical activity for me. Recently, I’ve been more passionate at taking care of my health and body.

 

Things that make me happy (5)

I notice the first things that come to mind when it comes to happiness is freedom. It’s the theme of my happiness.

  1. The freedom to be me. One of the most retraining things I go through daily is ‘editing’ myself to be around certain people. There is a level of how much of myself I show people and there are people who I have high walls around. It doesn’t help that I have to be around people like this often. I always feel like I’m acting around them and it would bring me joy to just be myself again. Say what I want to. Hold opinions and share them without consequence. It would bring me so much joy.
  2. The freedom to do what I want, not just what I need to. I know this freedom takes a lot to achieve. It’s financial in nature and I’m slowly working my way through this. I don’t have a lot of attachment toward money, but I know that being financially independent is important to achieve my goals (which will ultimately make me happier).
  3. The freedom from judgment. This is tied to the first freedom but it’s more specific and a little more… dreamy. There was a point in my life where I was surrounded by people who I can just be myself around without fear of being judged (harshly or negatively) and it would be nice to feel that again. To be around people who try to understand me.
  4. The freedom to go where I please. Because I’d love to explore more of the world.
  5. The freedom from time. The impossible dream… it would make me happy to think that I have all the time in the world…

Honestly, most of these are achievable. Some are impossible, but it’s okay. I’m always searching… reaching and I know that highs come with lows.

INFJ Rant: Dealing with Low-key Narcissism

Narcissism is a touchy subject for me because I’m very familiar with it. I’ve seen it at it’s mildest and at its worst form. I’ve seen tendencies within myself and within other people.

And the center of it all is our deep rooted insecurities. We want the validation that we’re not as bad as our deepest insecurities paint us to be. People with narcissistic traits want to protect themselves with their ego.

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The Cost

The cost of understanding you is to lose myself.

Who I am is the lifeboat at the surface of the water. Who you are is the ocean. I need to swim, explore, and dive. Every time I dive, I need to go deeper.

At times, I feel myself rapidly losing oxygen and I have to hurry to the surface and stay in my lifeboat.

And when I’m ready, I’ll dive once more.