insomnia

i close my eyes

then open them again

and i lay like a corpse but my brain is alive

and buzzing with so many thoughts

maybe its my choosing to sleep at odd times

maybe this is just how my body clock is

but no, i shift again

i let go

relaxing muscle by muscle until i cant feel anything

except my thoughts

please sleep i tell myself

why isnt the medicine working?

mind over matter, your will is stronger than the drugs, i reply to myself

bullshit i respond, you can’t fight biology

then why are you still awake?

fuck. i put a pillow over my face and my arms over my pillow

maybe the lack of oxygen will get me sleepy

well that’s morbid

got any other bright ideas? 

meditate? study? that makes you sleepy

i laugh at the idea, get up and open a textbook

sweeter than a lullaby, i fall sleep dreaming of chemical structures

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