i close my eyes
then open them again
and i lay like a corpse but my brain is alive
and buzzing with so many thoughts
maybe its my choosing to sleep at odd times
maybe this is just how my body clock is
but no, i shift again
i let go
relaxing muscle by muscle until i cant feel anything
except my thoughts
please sleep i tell myself
why isnt the medicine working?
mind over matter, your will is stronger than the drugs, i reply to myself
bullshit i respond, you can’t fight biology
then why are you still awake?
fuck. i put a pillow over my face and my arms over my pillow
maybe the lack of oxygen will get me sleepy
well that’s morbid
got any other bright ideas?
meditate? study? that makes you sleepy
i laugh at the idea, get up and open a textbook
sweeter than a lullaby, i fall sleep dreaming of chemical structures