There is no explicit reason for this. I’m productive but I’m not over-extending myself. Internally, I feel dead. Reactions are delayed. Even emotions are delayed. I feel like a stranger. Like my mind is separate from my reactions. Like someone else is playing my life while I passively observe, waiting for the next exciting thing.

I read an article about my personality type, that we’re “all or nothing” sort of people and I thought to myself then I’m nothing. I haven’t felt anything in a while. Even my strong emotions of joy or empathy have been shadows of what they usually are.

I wonder if this is just a phase or if this is what it feels like to just be mediocre. I wonder what it will take to make me feel again.


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