The eventual clash…. give me some slack. I can’t keep up with the tiptoeing like this anymore. I feel like an asshole for being nice. You make me feel like I’m trying too hard. Like I should shut up. And the conversation isn’t interesting. Maybe that makes two of us.
I should say this. I’m sorry I make you feel uncomfortable. That I challenge all your ideas. That was bound to happen. What can I say? I won’t back down.
You can stay in your safe place. You have every right to stay where you are comfortable. Who the fuck am I to judge what is best for you? Who the fuck am I to decide for you? I can only decide for myself.
So I will. I’m taking a break. Just for now. No more indulging, no more divulging. I’m too tired to try to predict how this will play out. I’m too weary to endure your signature sign off.
Congratulations, you’ve exhausted me. I didn’t think it would be possible. I know you wouldn’t expect it either. But it was bound to happen.
What can I say? We all want to protect the ego that gives us strength. I just happen to not like yours at the moment. Is that wrong?
Isn’t it sad that women have to carry the burden of birth completely alone?
And isn’t sad that men can never create a life on their own?
when you stop loving someone
you need to stop loving
that part of yourself
that loved them
just let it go
you don’t need to keep it
I screamed into the phone, “You will never find any one like me!”
I hurled the curse with such force that he agreed.
And a part of me feels like it came true.
How alone are you write these poems?
How alone am I to read them in the dark and cry?
I tip toe.
We laugh anyways.
It’s too easy, I’ll admit.
I slip up. You understand.
(I still tip toe.)
Some things go unsaid.
Yet something needs to be said.
But I let it be.
You smile, out of character.
Yet I know that “character”
is the real you.
You pretend that I can’t see it
but it’s clear
You can’t hide it.
I don’t acknowledge it.
But it’s there.
And will always be.
We accept it.
And that is comfort .
If I push you, you push harder.
If I pull, you push away.
I tip toe again.
Scared to trip a wire
that will cross a line.
I am myself.
or at least I try.
You are in character again.
Who are you playing?
A good friend?
A listening ear?
Something else entirely?
I don’t acknowledge it.
We are ourselves now.
And it goes unspoken.
a.k.a. “Get over it Marianne. Why does it matter? Who cares? Stop talking about it. It’s useless and you’re wasting your time.”
Society gives psychology shade. You’re weak if you’re emotional. You’re judging if you’re too analytical. You’re an asshole either way. Having an illness is a weakness of the mind that should not be talked about. We all avoid confronting other people about their faults. We are unwilling to admit that we are part of the problem.
I have been told some of these things in real life. Some of these things are implied by society. Some things are explicitly said around the internet.
Here’s the thing. I am very respectful to other people’s opinion (regardless of where they are coming from). I go as far as to understand that judgement even if their argument has a weak basis (ie. the reluctance to be open to new ideas thus dismissing it as illogical without researching). When I see people are tired of a topic, I stop talking about it. Trust me, I know. But please do not make haste judgements about MBTI/Personality Types and Psychology because you are too lazy (or scared) to do the research to understand. Also, do not make haste judgements about me because I enjoy understanding others. I actually want to help. If you disagree, please tell me personally.
Lastly, if you took this article personally then you do not get my point. I am addressing criticism that I have been getting not only from my real life encounters, but through internet encounters. I’ve been criticized for being like this (meaning psycho-analytical and a overthinker) my whole life. Owning up to it by talking about MBTI for the last year has opened the door to subtle criticism from across the spectrum. I’m letting you know the reasons why. So let’s get right to it.