A random thing that made me cry (001)

I’ll admit it, I cry easily. I put a 001 on the title because I can see this becoming a reoccurring theme.

Before I say why I cried, let me explain. I like to study at odd times of day and in order for me to stay awake, I need some background noise. It can range from EDM to classical music but even that has been putting me to sleep lately.

I used to watch youtube videos on the side, but then I would become so engrossed, I would stop studying. So what is a happy medium? Korean Series. I hear it now… omg if you have time to watch a series then you have time to watch this and this and this that I recommended to you months ago!!!!! I swear I have 4-6 people at the back of my head nagging me to watch shows/movies. You see guys, if I watch those I will have to pay attention. To be honest, I hardly pay attention to Korean series which is why they are good background noise for studying.

That’s why it was such a surprise for me to feel tears run down my face. I’m watching “That Time We’re Not In Love”. The premise of the story is two long time friends start of fall in love. The two leads have been friends since high school and they are always together. They are attached at the hip and everyone thinks they like each other but most of their relationship is strictly platonic. But now they are 34 and they feel pressured to settle down. Also the girl’s ex-fiancee is back in town and now their friendship is strained because guy doesn’t want girl to get hurt again.

It’s typical yet… not? When the girl admitted that she is interested in her fiancee again, the guy admit that he had feelings for her and told her that if she does like the other guy then she needs to lean on herself instead of leaning on their friendship for support.

I started feeling like shit after I saw the girl just sitting in a park alone, thinking. The guy saw her and asked her what was wrong and she told him that she had to deal with this alone.

Geez, it was simple as that. The reminder that we must deal with problems alone, that friendship may take away the sting but we must deal with the pain alone. We alone must process our feelings. We alone must mature and grow.

It’s that hesitation you feel when someone asks if you are okay. Do you tell them the truth? Or do you tell them the easiest answer to respond to? Even if you tell the truth… what difference does it make? Can they help you with the problem? Can they change the circumstances? All of these factors are yours to utilize. It’s a burden we all try to lighten but it never goes away.

The second reason this made me cry was because when they stopped being close friends, the girl lost her outlet. She could not open up how she felt or what her problem was to anyone, because only he could understand.

I guess that’s the problem of being attached. When you close your door on someone, you also must close that part of yourself.

It’s a terrible feeling. Being alone, and not having a person in the world to open up to while having a heavy problem upon you. It’s like you’re sinking into quicksand and no one is there to throw you a rope, you just slowly sink.

– M.

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