Sedated.

What fantasies do we play in our heads to prevent us from facing “real problems”?

How many real problems are within our control?

Who control us?

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Detach

Kill who you are in order to be who you want to be.

Detach.

Stop being part of the charm. Stay in the coldest part of you.

Detach.

You logic needs you. Your panic needs you.

Detach.

Stop feeling. Be the part of yourself you’re not comfortable with.

Be the part of yourself that contradicts you.

Be someone else.

You don’t need to be you right now.

Just for right now.

Detach.

The Thrill

There is something thrilling about not following “rules”. And no one knows.

Who knows what kind of person I would be if I was truly alone? How deviant would I be? What are the things would be into? I know most likely I’d like the same boring things I’m into now but if I was the only person in the world, my night would be day and there would be less hate and prejudice. I would just live as observer of nature and consuming the remaining knowledge left.

There would be nothing to fight for. There would be nothing to feel for. Would I hate it? Would I love it? Is that true freedom?

I’d never know.

I have never dreaded my birthday more

A month left until the big day!

Do you know what it means?

Crunch time. This is where my brain goes crazy. I stop functioning like my regular self and become kind of like a cold hermit.

It’s already starting.

I feel myself becoming more detached with the more “social” aspects of my life. I feel less and less inclined to share things, to reach out to people, to speak up.

This feels familiar. Comforting. Like the way I just am rather than the way I want to be.

My question… once I dive into this abyss, how will I get myself out of it?

P.S. I apologize for the lack of post/timely replies. I’ll play by ear on whether I can/cannot post. But right now, I’m feeling good.