I am not a simile.
(I’m gonna just add this last part for all the people who will take this post personally. Maybe that’s part of the problem. You take things personally, when it’s not about you. It’s about me. And how I feel.)
Maybe you can compare me to because I have similar stats to this person. We could be the same body, face or personality. We could read at the same pace. We could have similar writing styles. Similar hobbies. Similar taste. Similar goals. But we are not the same. It is not a compliment to me, even though I know you meant it that way.
I don’t take it as a compliment. I feel like you are putting me up against this person, even if that is not your intention. How I’m better, how I’m worse. “You are good at ___ but you know, so is ____.” So? Is this a compliment to me? To him/her? Both of us? We’re individuals. Respect our individual accomplishments. We’re not statistics to compare and contrast. My life isn’t based on a competition between this person and me. So it makes no sense to me why you’d compare me to them.
And please, don’t compare me to you if it brings out the insecurities in both of us. We are different. No matter how much alike we are. I am no better than you. I am no worse. You will not gain leverage by putting me on a pedestal or by throwing me down in the dirt. Don’t bring it to my attention that you’re comparing.
I cannot stand to hear a compliment that starts with, “Buti ka pa kaya mo mag-ganito, mahirap yan para sa akin.” Give compliments because you mean them. Please do not tinge them with your insecurities too.
If you care about someone, please do not grow secret resentments as you think they are getting better. Their successes are not slights against you. That resentment may help motivate you to become ‘better’ than them, but wouldn’t it be nicer to be better for yourself?
If you want my attention please do not emotionally manipulate me. Do not guilt trip me into saying I miss you, I love you, you are my best friend. I will say it back because I know that is what you want to hear but the more I say it, the less I mean it and our connection will grow weaker. These are things that I say when they are earned (and I don’t fucking believe in best friends), and you will definitely know I mean it because there is a weight to the way I say it.
Yeah, I know I’m a snobby mother fucker. But I just don’t like mind games. I don’t like backhanded compliments that make me think should I feel bad about bettering myself? Why is this person not happy for me? Do they care about my happiness or am I a benchmark to surpass and put next to all of their other friends?
And if you can’t do anything I just said above because it is in your very nature to do all of those things, then be honest with me! If you want to ask for advice, ask for it. If you want compliments, earn it. If you want to talk to me, talk to me about with actual topics you want to talk about. Just get straight to the point.
Maybe I’m just imagining all of these things. Maybe I’m wrong. That’s okay. Please tell me I’m wrong and why. Emphasis on the why.