Not your cheerleader

Reflecting while listening to St. Vincent‘s Cheerleader.

I’ve had good times
With some bad guys

Toxicity sneaks up on you. They enter your life in a non-threatening way. They seep into your activities. You have lunch so often enough that it’s the norm for you to be seen with them. You may disagree with them most of the time, but friends support friends. Maybe you have nothing in common with them. But they don’t actually harm you. Suddenly they talk down on you! But that’s just how they are. Understand for them. They can be unfairly critical and mean for no reason. But that’s just a manifestation of their insecurities, their weaknesses. You know that. Understand for them… until they break you.

I’ve told whole lies
With a half smile

You were the worst type of enabler. Because you have enabled people to be their worst. You’ve encouraged their narcissism by feeding them compliments that they don’t need. You’ve fed their ego by being a supportive friend. You were a true devil’s advocate disguised as an angel on their shoulder.

Held your bare bones
With my clothes on
I’ve thrown rocks
Then hid both my arms

You only realized this when it’s too late. You try to put up your defenses but these people are now in your life. You’ve fed so many monsters that there was a point you were surrounded by the best of them. And they helped bring you to your worst.

Screenshot 2016-08-06 22.54.22

I don’t know what good it serves
Pouring my purse in the dirt

But I-I-I-I-I don’t wanna be your cheerleader no more
But I-I-I-I-I don’t wanna be your cheerleader no more

But no more, you will not feed the monsters in your friends. You will not support the toxicity. You will be stone when you need to be stone. You will be the knife of truth when your friends need to bleed. You are not their cheerleader. You don’t need to agree for the sake of agreeing. You can stay silent. Or you can stand up for what you believe in.

I’ve played dumb
When I knew better

Do not discredit yourself just to say that you are humble. Own up to who you are. Own up to the knowledge you have. You can be as smart as you think you are without the arrogance. You’ve let them walk all over your to feed their egos. What happened to yours?

Tried so hard
Just to be clever

You don’t need to fit into the mold that others have set up for you. You don’t need to fit in the stereotypes that they have cast for you. You don’t need to try so hard to make unhappy people happy.

I know honest thieves
I call family
I’ve seen America
With no clothes on

There are no exceptions to this rule now. You know the truth. That your permanent vulnerability and hope in people will leave your heart open. Open for re-acceptance. Open for another attack.

But I-I-I-I-I don’t wanna be a cheerleader no more
But I-I-I-I-I don’t wanna be a cheerleader no more

But you now have a knife in both arms, a razor on your tongue and a sharp mind. Ready to attack the next person who thinks that they can take advantage of how nice you are. How willing you are.

I don’t know what I deserve
But for you I could work

Cause I don’t wanna be a cheerleader no more
I don’t wanna be a cheerleader no more
I don’t wanna be a cheerleader no more
I don’t wanna be a dirt eater no more
I don’t wanna be a dirt eater no more
I don’t wanna be a cheerleader no more

Your heart is still open. For anyone to see. For anyone to observe. You’re no longer an advocate. You’re not longer willing to take the fall for the undeserving. You will no longer be guilt tripped. No longer manipulated.

I am not your cheerleader.

Screenshot 2016-08-06 22.54.53

Until tomorrow!

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