When I’m alone

Wow, today was rough. I increased my Te minimums, enforced it and it was a hard adjustment.

Te Minimums

  • I doubled my chapter reading and quizzing. This should be… easier… since I have read these chapters before but they became more difficult because I got bored easier (since the first chapters are foundation chapters of science, think anatomy and physiology) I couldn’t even finish a chapter because I started so late in the day. I will have to either change my Te minimums back to 2 chapters a day or increase the time I spend studying.
  • I added a pharmacology book. As nice as review book is, I think it lacks in some important concepts. Surprisingly enough, I was able to finish 5 chapters of this… I don’t even know right now.
  • I think the most time consuming part of the Te minimums today was that I ambitiously tried to summarize BOTH BOOKS. SUMMARIZING 10 CHAPTERS IS A TE MAXIMUM. I’m going to speed summarize by typing only key words tomorrow to see if this improves the quality of time I spend studying. I can’t burn out now, I just started!
  • Also, I added drinking more water into my daily goals. Casually drinking water isn’t enough anymore. Doing hot yoga has made me constantly dehydrated and I need to actively doing something about it.
  • The funny thing about not accomplishing my Te mins today is that I didn’t really spend time on social media. Didn’t really chat today. I was not consumed by snapchat or catching up with people.
  • Lastly, I’m going to ban myself from buying books for a few weeks. I need to finish at least 4-5 books before I can even say that I deserve another one. I’m also going to try to read one novel at a time so that I can establish a better pace.

Insight

I’ve been thinking of other times to do my blog, in the morning or the afternoon but I can’t get myself out of the habit of blogging right before I sleep.

It’s an important part of my mental health to reflect. Last year I used to journal before I sleep. Personally the main difference between journalling and blogging is that with blogging, I try o make my insights less personal. I want them to be relatable. I hope that someone out there can get something from it.

Today’s insight is brought to you by mah boi R.M. Drake.

There are times in my life where I’m addicted to toxic people. People who I cannot fix yet I keep close to me. People I give chances to. People who I love yet suck the energy out of me.

It’s easier for me to want to fix another person. I see flaws so transparently. I get sucked into the drama. The bullshit. I want to give and give.

I am a black hole of advice and love. I give without expectations. I do not expect people to give back appreciation or care.

When I’m surrounded by the wrong people, I stop taking care of myself. I take care of them. I care to their emotional needs. I care for their well being while ignoring mine. I get lost in something that I didn’t know I signed up for.

Until eventually, I snap. And I realized that other people cannot be fixed no matter how easy I think the solution is to their problem. People will always be hypocrites. People will not follow the best advice for them.

I break away from people and find the peace of being alone. When I’m alone, I can grasp who I am. What I want. I stop adjusting for what others want. When I’m alone I can reflect, brood and analyze without guilt. When I’m alone, I determine what is important for me. Not what society deems important. When I’m alone, I can find the time to fix myself instead of thinking about others.

Until tommorow!

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