Power in A Name

I’ve changed my blog name. I don’t relate to my old blog name anymore. I was a different Marianne last year when I named this blog MissCheerfulHips. 

I don’t feel like it truly encompasses what I’m about. I will probably talk about positivity. I may even talk about depression. I will talk about body issues or discuss other topics that are just as important to me. Being cheerful and my hips is such a small portion of who I am. I am cheerful but I’m also brooding, inquisitive, curious, confused and perplexing. I think deeply; I feel intensely. I want to blog that way. 

I changed the name to Bái Mei Lián which is the Chinese name I gave myself while learning Mandarin. It means ‘White Beautiful Lotus’. A lotus that can be in the mud without being soiled. It’s a name that all of my Chinese professors have loved which assures me it doesn’t mean something crazy. I’m amused that ‘Mei Lián’ itself sounds very close to my actual name. But I truly love the meaning behind it. I love believing that I cannot be tainted as a person despite what the world has thrown at me. 

There is power in a name. I don’t have a nickname because I think ‘Marianne’ is a beautiful name. It’s two ordinary names with an elegant spelling. I take joy when I write my name in cursive and the letters flow, nothing ascending past the main writing line except ‘M’. 

Not everyone feels the same way I do about my name. Some names bring shame and insecurity. I know many people who hate their name. It’s a terrible burden because most parents name their children with the purest intents. 

However, if there is power in a name there is also power in re-naming yourself. You can control what others thinks of you. And I want them to think of me the way I want to think of myself. A soul that cannot be tarnished.

It’s been a while WordPress…

As you could have probably guessed in my last blog post, I had a difficulty in writing consistently.. I found excuses and was scared of my own ideas. I even deleted my to-do list for it. That was how fed up I was.

But the truth is, I shouldn’t have given up so easily. I think (and even some of my friends) I have great ideas and amazing stories to tell. IRL, I have so much to say! I have too much to share and I need an outlet to share these ideas.

The problem with me is that I am a perfectionist. I want my blog to look a certain way, to sound intelligent, to be as good as my friend’s blogs, to be as amazing as a a fashion blogger’s lookbook. I can try and be these people but I’m not.

I capture the world through stories and ideas. I should develop this skill. I am afraid of posting this blog. I was terrified of downloading this app. I will probably regret sending this to my closest friends, but what do I have to lose?

Maybe they’ll hate my ideas, but they’ll probably support me. Maybe they’ll hate my voice, narration, the strange way I think about things, but as all of those people reject me, there will people who accept me for this. They’ll love my blog and in a in show they love me.

I will just make this blog personal. I had lofty ideas of making this into some money making,couture  fashion/makeup shit but that wouldn’t be me.

I’m uncomfortable with those ideas but I can share my interests and passions with almost no hesitation. Let me make true baby steps.

You be you Marianne. Just write.