I’ve changed my blog name. I don’t relate to my old blog name anymore. I was a different Marianne last year when I named this blog MissCheerfulHips.
I don’t feel like it truly encompasses what I’m about. I will probably talk about positivity. I may even talk about depression. I will talk about body issues or discuss other topics that are just as important to me. Being cheerful and my hips is such a small portion of who I am. I am cheerful but I’m also brooding, inquisitive, curious, confused and perplexing. I think deeply; I feel intensely. I want to blog that way.
I changed the name to Bái Mei Lián which is the Chinese name I gave myself while learning Mandarin. It means ‘White Beautiful Lotus’. A lotus that can be in the mud without being soiled. It’s a name that all of my Chinese professors have loved which assures me it doesn’t mean something crazy. I’m amused that ‘Mei Lián’ itself sounds very close to my actual name. But I truly love the meaning behind it. I love believing that I cannot be tainted as a person despite what the world has thrown at me.
There is power in a name. I don’t have a nickname because I think ‘Marianne’ is a beautiful name. It’s two ordinary names with an elegant spelling. I take joy when I write my name in cursive and the letters flow, nothing ascending past the main writing line except ‘M’.
Not everyone feels the same way I do about my name. Some names bring shame and insecurity. I know many people who hate their name. It’s a terrible burden because most parents name their children with the purest intents.
However, if there is power in a name there is also power in re-naming yourself. You can control what others thinks of you. And I want them to think of me the way I want to think of myself. A soul that cannot be tarnished.